I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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