i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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