Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
