Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
