All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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