I heard we made out
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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