Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
