I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
