Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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