At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
