And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
