Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
