Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
