I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
