if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
