btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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