listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
