literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
