fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
