what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
