I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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