I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
