You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
