I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
we're so committed to being not committed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
