I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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