i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
