I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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