I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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