I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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