Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
