so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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