he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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