I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
