If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Welp...herpes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
