I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
