The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
