Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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