I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
