We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
