I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
