dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize