It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
