Apparently you make a good broom.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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