im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
