why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
