Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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