no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
