This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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