Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
