closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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