Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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