i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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