I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
