Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
