the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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