the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize