Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
