I'm gonna have a badass scar
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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