just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
