i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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