The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize