woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
