hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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