You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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