Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
