Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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