Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
