I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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