so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
why is half of my head shaved?
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